Thursday, February 17, 2005

I Had to Know

About the Bacon Whores. Of course once something has been created, even as a parody, doesn't the possibility exist that someone will actually do it? Anyway, check out this page if you want to know more about what's real and what's not. I took the "Gullibility Tests" today and scored an average of 5o% accuracy on the photo tests. There's some cool photoshop work there. Way beyond what I can do right now.

Museum of Hoaxes


Monday, February 14, 2005

Ripple in Still Water

I'm listening to "Ripple" right now. I love that song. My discovery of the Grateful Dead came in a roundabout way. My mom's lesbian lover had been a follower in her younger days and at one point I bought her a tape (yes, a cassette!) that was a tribute album to them. I knew some of the bands on the tribute album so I listened to it instantly falling in love with the Jane's Addiction cover of "Ripple". My mom's partner dug out her old Dead tapes for me and I listened to them for a little while before going back to the Smashing Pumpkins, Nirvana and Pink Floyd.

Anyway, that was a little sidebar of my musical history.

Lately I've been listening to TV on the Radio - I really like the lead singer's voice and style. There's an accapella song that kind of reminds me of Paul Simon without being as high pitched. Anyway, I think they're an interesting hybrid.

Today's thoughts are primarily on two things:

1. That I am putting myself out on into the universe for any kind of career guidance and hoping that something good will come of it soon. I have applications in to work at FedEx, the queer film festival, as a user manual writer for a database system, as an administrative assistant at the other non-profit distrubution outfit in town (the video one), and to work as a researcher for Elvira Kurt's upcoming t.v. show. Spreading my wings a little and daring to dream that I can do any and all of these things. I hope I see some results soon though, because my future-focused self needs some encouragement that I've been doing the right thing.

2. "The right thing" leads me to the second main thought currently in rotation. I am so incredibly broke these days and I am so partly by choice. In trying to change my career path and future acheivements, I have chosen a path with very little financial compensation and yet I think that I'm getting something else out of it. It's incredibly hard for me to measure how I'm doing, and that drives me to run screaming to places like FedEx who will give me an employee number, a uniform and a decent benefit package. I feel like such a chicken. Like I can't dip my toes in the "meaningful work" waters for too long without jonesing for corporate security. To add insult to injury, my lady's government job layoff just netted her an unemployment check that is higher than what I make working nearly full time. It's not about her, it's about the system - this I know. I am impatient to be on the other side, to find my way of getting to a place where, like some people I know, I can decide what socially responsible things I want to do with my "extra" money.

For myself, for now, I have to find ways of not villifying the "other", not hating the rich, the skinny, the gender happy, the people who always knew what they wanted to do, people who are able to sacrifice more than me, work harder, be more dedicated... halfway through writing this I realized that I'm a big baby.

Tomorrow I have an interview with FedEx... hopefully that will kick off the flood of opportunities that I'm sure are waiting to crash through my door.


Wednesday, February 09, 2005

I'm feeling like a bad parent. For the past two nights my dog has been waking me up several times in the wee hours to get me to take her because she's got the runs. She's got the runs because she has a sensitive stomach and rawhide makes her sick, and I gave her rawhide the other day because I'm a bad parent and I hate saying "No" even when I knew this would happen. Rawhide makes her so happy, and also so sick. It's not really fair to either of us, but I'm supposed to be the adult here.

I think the worst part is how it goes down. My dog can't just say "Time to go out for a quit shit" she can merely pace - from the bed to the door "tic tic tic" from the door to the bed "tic tic tic" stare stare stare get up on the bed "lick" jump off bed go to door "tic tic tic" repeat until I finally throw back the covers and, whining and complaining the whole time, open the door go in the hall to put on a coat and grab leash and take her out.

I'm hoping that when it's a child waking me up in the middle of the night because their ear hurts or they think they're gonna puke that I am more compassionate.


Tuesday, February 08, 2005

First times

This is my first entry.
I'm not exactly sure why i'm starting a blog - but i just went and checked out my friend's blog and since i have the day off... well - i guess it's also a nice change from diaryland. I've been on diaryland for 4.5 years. If you want to know anything about the past 4.5 years of me you can check it out at

I'm listening to the same 15 songs over and over again... it's a rainy overcast day and i'm stuck in my daydreams. I'm remembering spring days gone by, walks in the woods, the lightness in my chest when i was kissing that girl in that car that time to the indigo girls "devotion". I'm so stuck in my imagination right now and the harmonies of ELO "Love is like Oxygen" are keeping me stuck in a kind of limbo. Tomorrow i am going to have an all ELO day.