Sunday, December 11, 2005

Finally back in the saddle...

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Well, it's been a long time but I finally have a second to make a small post.

Today me and Kaleb starred in my upcoming short "Tough Enough" and it's actually a super 8 film, but Chelsey took a couple of video clips so I could see how it looked. 


Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Gender Talk

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It's time for another discourse on my gender journey.

Sweet Spot

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This is my friend Tracy. Tracy is reading the instructions for the "Sweet Spot" wipette. Propaganda warning!

PSA - re: the washroom

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This is a really big deal in my life. It's always been this way - I've experienced everything from just plain evil looks to being pushed out of the bathroom. Going into public ladies bathrooms is always a stressful experience for someone who doesn't "look" the part. The way that I cope is mostly to remember where every unisex/disabled washroom is at any place that I frequent. Someday I want to have a map of all the highway rest stops in Canada and the US who have them.

Anyway, the other day I was thinking it's time to bring other women in on the deal. Talk to each other - please spread the word - someone who at first glance may not seem to "belong" in your washroom probably does, because most men would KNOW if they weren't in the mens room right away.

Let's all just try and assume that everyone around us is doing what they're supposed to be doing.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Gem Sweater Bootleg - Leslie and The LYs in Canada

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This week at the TAAFI gala opening, Leslie and the LYs made their Canadian debut to mass hysteria. This was a fucking awesome show. Leslie is a great performer - and she rocked the house! My friends Tracy and Allyson were guest LYs - Al's playing the DJ box and Tracy's on the keyboards.

The best part is that I had a camera at the back of the room that the Gladstone was using to make a live feed for those who couldn't get close enough - AND I was right up front with my trusty digital camera that records unlimited video clips - so I synched up the sound from the back camera with the images from up front.

Anyway, I've got a couple more songs I can put up over the next few days, plus a song from Stinkmitt who performed as well.

What on earth...

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More fun with the two cutest house pets.  Hopey is becoming more cat-like than before.  Yesterday she pounced on an elastic band.  Imagine, a 72lbs hound dog trying to pounce.  She's not graceful, but she's my dog.


music - "Tango" by the Corner Tour 

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Teaching another videoblogging workshop

I taught my first workshop this past summer and now it's time for take 2. This time I brought my little digital camera and we shot an introduction in the class. Also, the people who signed up this time all have macs at home and they also are all camera owners. I think that the next workshop I teach, I will make this a prerequisite. The second half is tomorrow night when we'll get to see how far everyone has gotten in setting up their own vlog.

I love teaching people about videoblogging. The first two hours are really exciting because people are so amazed by the potential of what they can do. Then when I start to try and explain RSS 2.0 and the idea of subscribing to feeds, it all gets a little heavy and confusing for them. I would love any tips or links to materials that could help me get this part across better.

See clip here

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

My School Pals

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Okay, well Jay suggested that I get some material of the boys I'm going to school with.  I was really nervous about doing it.  I'm kind of shy that way.  But today I finally broke the ice and pulled out my camera.  The guys are really cool - Frank works at Wonderland, he does in fact operate rollercoasters.  He's also really into music and that's mostly where we connect.  Don's a total computer whiz and he runs servers and websites and he loves old school video games (like nintendo and early gameboy! god, i'm old) and he wears a different video game related shirt to school everyday.  Steven is pretty quiet, very nice and also seems to enjoy video games and music.  Josh was sick today so I think I'll bring my camera again next week and try to catch him. 

 On the way home I was thinking it would be fun to do a weekly question with these guys.  I'm not good at being regular about stuff, but if it keeps me vlogging, it's worth it.  This whole school trip has been really intense but I think I'm starting to get the hang of it.  More to come...

Backseat Driving

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At a friend's birthday party this past weekend. Watching the poor DVD operator get yelled at from all corners. The funny part was that the people who were yelling were just as clueless about what to do. It was like being live on the set of "Survivor" when they do those blindfolded activities.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Play Time

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If you can bear with the darkness of the movie, you will see some rather cute interactions between a 76 pound hound dog and a 6 pound kitten with 24 toes.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

The Commute

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Today I travelled 3 hours altogether to attend 1.4 hours of class.  The fact that I spend 15 hours a week ( a part time job's worth of time! ) on a bus and/or subway is quite new to me.  Sometimes it's relaxing, sometimes I sleep, yesterday I missed my stop.  I'm still getting the hang of it.

 Anyway.  Today I wanted to see what I look like on the commute.  I noticed that my brow was furrowed and after shooting this, I spent a lot of time trying to massage my forehead into a relaxed state...


music by Death Cab for Cutie. 

Saturday, October 01, 2005


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i'm in school full time now and my vlog is suffering. i'm gonna try to get back on the horse, for now - check out my new moustache and my new kitten.

Saturday, September 03, 2005

What we do in those woods.

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Me and my pal tEt like to perform every once in a while.  At the festival I work at we have a talent show of sorts and last year we did these same characters and an acapella version of George Michael's "Faith".  People were peeing their pants, they loved it so much. 

So by popular demand we came back with version 2.  Gretchen Phillips accompanies, Mags did the recording.  Enjoy.     

Amazon Women

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This summer at the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival I recorded many clips of things that mean a lot to me. This clip is a sample from the song that is performed every year at the ceremony which opens the night stage. Every year there's a different performance but the song is always the same. "Amazon women rise". Maybe you have to be there to get it, or maybe this clip will do something for you.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Zoid's Prison Story

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My friend Zoid spent 8 nights in jail a long time ago. This little clip was just part of the story.

My macro feature at work

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I shot this in the kitchen I worked in this summer at the Michigan music festival. The Olympus 500 digital camera that I bought has a really great "super macro" setting and I can shoot video with it as well as stills. This cricket quietly eating a little piece of avocado on a 3 ring binder is something i could watch over and over again.

Friday, August 26, 2005

Back from the woods

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I've been away for a month. From computers, phones, keys, cars, strangers, my dog... it's a very strange feeling to come back from that world - close to utopia in some ways. I've got plenty to look forward to though, back to vlogging and starting school in a week.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Not for anyone afraid of needles - this is a document of how I inject testosterone into my leg.� I do this every two weeks, since April 18th, 2005 and I am documenting my changes whenever I feel like it.� So far, only my voice is changing.� No body hair yet.

Watch the video originally shared on

Monday, July 11, 2005

I'm walking towards downtown today and I am struck by the variety to garbage and beauty on the streets.� The two are not mutually exclusive, I find some garbage to be beautiful.

At one point I found this long stretch of alley with some beautiful graffitti I have never seen before.� Amazing!

Then I have a little bit of a rant about gentrification.

Watch the video originally shared on

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Today in Toronto July 8th, 2005

Click on image to see movie - Hosted by BLIP TV! Check out link in sidebar.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Hopey's Long Day

Click on image to see movie.

Lukas and Kaleb in Wonderland

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I took my best friend and roommate Kaleb to Canada's Wonderland last week. It's the canadian equivalent of Universal Studios mixed with 6 flags. We had a great time, even though there was a HUGE storm that started when we were next in line to get on the biggest, oldest roller coaster.

Anyway, I took my camera on this crazy Psyclone ride and afterwards it turned out that I hadn't pressed "record" so the most footage i have is of the funnel cake making process...mmmm, funnel cake.

The Workshop

Click on image to see movie.

This week I got to teach a workshop on Videoblogging at the film co-op upstairs from my work. There were 4 people signed up and I showed them all the steps to starting their own videoblogs. Links to come - I hope they'll join the community as soon as they feel ready.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

My First 10K

Click on image to see movie.

For some reason this vlog entry went online immediately. Wow. That has never happened to me before.

Not only was this run really exciting for me, but Josh has peaked my interest in geocaching. It's pretty much EXACTLY what I like to do...scavenger/treasure hunts!

So now I want to save up and get a GPS.

If you're interested in doing what I've been doing - basically going from 0 to 10K in 10 weeks, download this clinic (it's a one-page pdf):

The first few weeks were the hardest but as you see yourself improve it becomes worth it.

A bit of background:

About the running thing.
I was the kid who could only run a few feet before my chest hurt, my throat filled with mucus and I had to walk the rest of the way. Turned out I had asthma which was mostly sports induced.
Always the last to finish any sort of distance running. Always shying away from anything that involved running because I knew I couldn't do it.
Then I got hit by a car at 12 and broke 15 bones in my hands and left leg combined. I never really recovered from that and I think that if I had been sporty prior to the accident, I could have used sports to recover. Instead I gained weight, became even more of a bookworm/computer nerd and just accepted that I could never jump, run or do anything which necessitated agility.
The punk/queer/high school world didn't require any athletic ability, nor did living in montreal for 3 years. The first year I lived in montreal was my fittest - i biked everywhere - but once I moved to the plateau and got into the simpsons it was couch potato/chain smoking history.
In Victoria i could have joined the world of the fitness-prone but somehow my big old car and my jobs with kids kept me strapped into a commuting mentality - to the point that I even drove to the corner store! Sometimes I am ashamed of how much I drove when I could have biked or walked in that town.
My last year in Victoria I joined a recreational softball team, i learned a bit more about a game I'd always loved if not fully understood strategically. In the end I won "Most Improved Player" and that was true - I had learned how to improve. How to love feeling like I was building some skill in a sport.
Since moving to Toronto, I have flirted with working out, biking around, generally trying to take advantage of the fact that my body learns quickly. But I never really pushed anything cardio or something high-impact like running. Until I quit my restaurant job. For two and a half years I was in a chain-smoking, drinking every night fog and when I finally pushed out, I pushed out big time.
See, I never thought that I would live to be 30. Seriously. Not because there was any hint of something that would happen, but just because I couldn't picture the future with me in it. My mom says that a lot of kids who experience childhood trauma have this same experience. So with 30 appraching I think I started to see that there was something bigger than me. That whole "your body is a temple" stuff was really starting to make sense.
So I quit my job, quit smoking, started biking every morning at the gym across the street that costs 10$ a year to join, and I worked my heart and my lungs. The benefits were astounding - everything was clearer, I felt clean and stong, sex was better and life felt worth living. Working out was addictive and I couldn't believe I hadn't done this sooner.
I got a dog last summer and that also brought me into more walking and getting outside.
When I started this running clinic eleven weeks ago I did it for a lot of reasons. I wanted to be able to run - I have always dreamed about running most likely because it was something I could never do. My moms run and I thought it could be a nice family thing for us to have. It's good excercise for my dog, in less time than walking. I saw a role-model of mine running in HIgh Park one day and I thought "If I learn to run, I can run with her!". I wanted to lose some weight and feel fitter. Also I like to have goals - so I thought, I will learn to run and I will do the Lois Lane Run that happens at Michigan every summer.
There are many other reasons, but this is the start.
So anyway. That's the background to where I am today. I completed my first 10K organized race and I signed up for the Toronto Marathon's Half Marathong (21K) for October 16th.
gotta go to work now.

Going Home

Click on image to see movie.

Just got back from being out in Victoria, BC for a 6 day visit with my moms. This year I stayed in Toronto for xmas and went home in June instead - my thinking being that I would get to enjoy summer weather and lake swimming. Instead it was fairly chilly, I had underpacked for cold weather and I only briefly hopped into the lake just to be able to know I had done it. But it was COLD!

Anyway, meet a few of my family members. My mom is the one who looks kinda like me - short grey hair. Her partner is Sal with the longer hair - it was her birthday while I was out there and that's what the dancing footage is from. The younger of the two boys is a fella I used to take care of when he was a toddler. It's so strange to see a kid you knew at that age all grown up. It takes all my inner will power not to swoop down on him with cuddles and questions about who he's becoming.

It was a great visit. I can't wait to go back sometime this year.

My Little Corner of the World

music by Cynic Project

Click on image for movie.

A quick trip along Queen St. West which is the street I travel the most. I only got the south side on the way towards downtown.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Queer Family Fun Day

music by Pomegranate - the all girl klezmer band from Toronto.

This is a video pile-up from Queer Family Fun Day. I got to spend several hours applying fake tattoos to young kids, the two you see the most of are the ones I took care of last year. I was a tranny love me, and I love kids. I seem to have this built-in talent for putting babies to sleep and folding paper airplanes.

Seriously, there is a ton of video footage sitting near or on the computer just waiting to get up here. And also, I now own a pc - so as soon as I get an anti-virus program I will be on fireANT.

Friday, June 03, 2005

Kaleb Practing

I'm slowly going to introduce all my friends onto the vlog. My girlfriend Sarena has already made a couple of appearances, now here's my best friend and roommate Kaleb. He was one of the MC's of the Rock Your Tits Off show that I posted a couple of weeks ago. We both love choreographed dancing, watching teen movies and also he's a total ham for the camera.

We also co-run the Tranny Wish Foundation together.

What I'm Watching

Trying out this Snapz program that lets me video tape what I do on my computer - also testing out the voice over feature of Final Cut Pro 4. By the way is Zadi is reading this - that's how I switched the film from neg to pos... using "invert" in the video effects.

Anyway, I need to stretch some nylon over a clothes hanger so that I can eliminate those pops on my p's.

This is totally improv'd - just a quick sample of what I'm into.

Dinner with Lukas

This is the first entry that I can see a shadow of what's coming with the testosterone. I don't know if anyone else notices...but I think I look a little different.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Developing in the tub - The Results

Meet my roomate, best friend and co-director of the Tranny Wish Foundation - Kaleb Robertson. You'll see more of him soon as I just taped him practicing for a performance tomorrow night.

I'm super excited about having developed black and white super 8 to a negative and then reversing it in the computer. This is a new thing for me, I think it's pretty and will continue to experiment with the method/shooting.

Developing in the tub.

It's a wednesday night. Instead of going out with my friends I am staying home with some buckets o' chemicals and hand-processing a couple of rolls of super 8 that I shot last week. Results will be shown soon.

Monday, May 23, 2005

My Screening

The Inside Out Lesbian and Gay Film Festival in Toronto screened one of my short films last night. Here is the screening with some bonus footage of me on stage talking really fast. I need to take some lessons in chilling out, slowing down and being comprehensible.

Sick Day

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Friday, May 20, 2005

Sarena's First Solo Show

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This is my girlfriend's first solo show. She was in a band called S.H.A.G. (She Has A Guitar) for over 10 years. I actually first met her back then when her band was new, I was putting together a compilation tape to commemorate Dec. 6th (the anniversary of the Montreal massacre) and I booked them to play the launch as well as getting a song of theirs on the tape. It's so funny to me to think of putting out a tape now. At the time though it was really a huge success, we sold out of tapes. The next year I did it again with only bands, some of my favourite bands at the time; Tribe 8, Team Dresch, Jane Doe were on it. Back to my lady love. Here she is doing one of her new tunes. She's got such a strong voice - sometimes she does Led Zepplin at karaoke and she's amazing.

The Rock Your Tits Off show

Click on picture to see movie.

This is the short version of the Rock Your Tits Off fundraiser for the Tranny Wish Foundation. Me and my pal Daddy K are trying to start a charity that would help trans guys get money for top surgery. You can look at our blog.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

What i did LAST weekend

Click on photo to see video...

Finally! This is from Saturday! Okay, so many thanks to Jay who stood by me as I tried to get my shit back together. Now I have a bunch of footage on my camera that needs uploading and editing. I'm going away for the weekend so that's it for now.

I'd like to introduce you to my lady friend - the star of this little clip. This movie was shot on her crappy old digital camera. I would love to have a camera that's really excellent in low light. Any reccomendations?

More next week. I am so glad to be back in the game.

Sunday, May 08, 2005

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

We have a guest

Click on image to see movie

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Canada's a country, man.

Click on image to see movie.

Saturday, April 30, 2005

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Toronto's Times Square

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Hopey the Commuter

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Monday, April 25, 2005

Missing Tracy

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I miss Tracy. She's my muse. I can follow her with a camera like no one else. We work well together that way. So, I re-worked this little piece of something I already have... I can't wait until she gets back from her travels.

Friday, April 22, 2005

Hopey on Sitting

Click here for Stream

Click on Image for MPEG-4 download

I'm experimenting with compression. I was finding my 3ivx quicktime files too pixelated. So these are .mp4 files - Let me know what works for you and what doesn't. Any tips appreciated.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Playing with Blue Screen

Click on Image to see Movie

This movie was made in 1.5 hours late last night. I spent all day out of the house, at work and at meetings, thinking about it my blue bedroom walls (courtesy of my last roommate) could function as a blue screen. I've wanted to play with colour keying for some time now - so last night I finally did it. I think it went rather well. I had to crop out the light switch that ended up in the shot - and apart from a bit of "see-through" in the corners of my eyes, I'm pleased with the experiment. I mixed it up with footage of me spying on my dog from the weekend and threw on a song that is my Garageband remix of my favourite Journey song.

Tell me what you think.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

A Presciption for Change

Click on image to see clip.

Today I'm picking up my prescription for T. Tomorrow I'm going to learn how to inject myself. Within the next few weeks my voice is going to start changing. I'm waiting to get my legal name change certificate - and it may not come until January. I have to be okay with that.

I really don't want this blog to be all about that one part of my life - I have so many other things that I'm interested in, and I also am determined to intermingle serious personal clips with fun stuff. Part of me hopes that I can document my journey in transition regularily and that it will help someone somewhere know that they are not alone.

Monday, April 18, 2005

Chair Dancing

Click image to see movie.

music: LCD Soundsystem

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Click image to see movie.

Okay, serious thanks to the 3ivx Demo on Michael Verdi's page. Only three videos in and already I have learned how to lessen that tin sounding audio that my first two clips had. It's such a well laid out, easy to follow tutorial. I really can't believe how fast this is all going. I am talking to everyone about this. I want to help as many people as possible get to do what I'm learning to do. Today I totally sold a new aquaintance not only to video blogging (she can use it to shop around her tv show idea) but I also got her on the bandwagon to join the video editing co-op that I'm on the Board for. It called Trinity Square Video and I've been a member there for 4 years. If you live in the Toronto area and you need anything like editing equipment, cameras, or just to do dubs from various mediums - check them out.

Like really aloof cats and dogs

Click image to see movie.

Be patient. I know it starts off slow but the end is worth it. To me at least. My dog and my best friend/roommate's cat are learning to get along. They've lived together for 3 months now. My dog is kind of afraid of cats, well she's a chicken in general but she's a rescue so you can't blame her, but she's slowly getting more assertive. In this clip however, I nudged her - she never would have jumped on her own.

Saturday, April 16, 2005


So, my second video clip - a much more interesting piece with my dog and my roommate's cat (working with what i've got here people) is delayed because I accidentally uploaded the .jpg and not the .mov file. I'm sure I'm not the first person to do this and I'm glad it happened right off the bat so that I will always be more careful. I like to learn from my mistakes.

Anyway. All last night I was hanging out with my girlfriend and I wanted to tell her how exciting this discovery of video blogging is - but it still feels to new to talk about. It's like my private little slice of heaven and I'm still feeling a little protective of the idea. Maybe once I get my groove on and am producing little shorts on a regular basis - then I will be more inclined to share with my real life people.

I'm going to start playing with Flash again. I pick it up and put it down, but I think that this video blogging revolution will be a perfect environment for messing around with computer animation.

Friday, April 15, 2005

The First Video

My First Online Video

Serious thanks to Michael Verdi at Freevlog. The tutorials are fairly easy to understand. I had a few issues with the creative commons publisher, but that's all ironed out. The Internet Archive is the coolest site I have ever seen on the internet. Having just read "Weaving the Web" by it's inventor Tim Berners-Lee not long ago, it's nice to see it all start to come together. Now I can add content to the web for others to use as they like and I have found places where I can gain access to foreign knowledge that is actually of interest to me.


Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Returning to the Blog

I am trying to learn how to video blog - I've been discovering fabulous sites like Rocketboom and I am inspired to do a regular video feed. The part about how people can subscribe and get regular updates is still fuzzy - but I have learned how to host my images and videos for free at This Blog.

More to come.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

You're in for a gut reaction

Yesterday I was rejected for what feels like one time too many. I have been putting my irons in many fires and I keep getting burned. Still waiting to hear from the school I want to go to... but other than that, my dreams are fizzling out a little right now.

I'm not sure how else to get through the day to day on this planet if not to cling to dream after dream. If they keep being unfulfilled though... then what? I know that one job opportunity is not going to save me from myself. I know I need to pay more dues and put more time in on the ground floor. I have to stop comparing myself to others because I just keep finding people who I think are better than me. Did I mention I'm pms-ing right now?

Soon that won't happen anymore. My blood is being analyzed and I'm psyching myself up to accept a foreign substance into my body. I'm even weirdly anticipating that bloaty, zitty period that happens when the T first kicks in.

I'm trying to take it easy these days because I have been sick a lot, and that is unusual for me. The one year anniversary of my quitting smoking is rapidly approaching. This year has had a lot of physical ups and downs. I'm still trying to reign in my sweet tooth and I'm considering cutting out wheat. I'm curious to see if I'll notice a difference.

Can I work at a non profit organization that I love and appreciate, for very little money, and be able to fend off the eventual resentment that being broke all the time brings with it? I don't want to feel like I did at minimum wage corporate jobs when I'm doing "meaningful work". I never meant to be such a negative person... but it's really hard to fight sometimes. When will I find a job that I don't take too personally? Will having children lessen the importance my jobs take in my life?

I'm full of questions this afternoon.


Thursday, February 17, 2005

I Had to Know

About the Bacon Whores. Of course once something has been created, even as a parody, doesn't the possibility exist that someone will actually do it? Anyway, check out this page if you want to know more about what's real and what's not. I took the "Gullibility Tests" today and scored an average of 5o% accuracy on the photo tests. There's some cool photoshop work there. Way beyond what I can do right now.

Museum of Hoaxes


Monday, February 14, 2005

Ripple in Still Water

I'm listening to "Ripple" right now. I love that song. My discovery of the Grateful Dead came in a roundabout way. My mom's lesbian lover had been a follower in her younger days and at one point I bought her a tape (yes, a cassette!) that was a tribute album to them. I knew some of the bands on the tribute album so I listened to it instantly falling in love with the Jane's Addiction cover of "Ripple". My mom's partner dug out her old Dead tapes for me and I listened to them for a little while before going back to the Smashing Pumpkins, Nirvana and Pink Floyd.

Anyway, that was a little sidebar of my musical history.

Lately I've been listening to TV on the Radio - I really like the lead singer's voice and style. There's an accapella song that kind of reminds me of Paul Simon without being as high pitched. Anyway, I think they're an interesting hybrid.

Today's thoughts are primarily on two things:

1. That I am putting myself out on into the universe for any kind of career guidance and hoping that something good will come of it soon. I have applications in to work at FedEx, the queer film festival, as a user manual writer for a database system, as an administrative assistant at the other non-profit distrubution outfit in town (the video one), and to work as a researcher for Elvira Kurt's upcoming t.v. show. Spreading my wings a little and daring to dream that I can do any and all of these things. I hope I see some results soon though, because my future-focused self needs some encouragement that I've been doing the right thing.

2. "The right thing" leads me to the second main thought currently in rotation. I am so incredibly broke these days and I am so partly by choice. In trying to change my career path and future acheivements, I have chosen a path with very little financial compensation and yet I think that I'm getting something else out of it. It's incredibly hard for me to measure how I'm doing, and that drives me to run screaming to places like FedEx who will give me an employee number, a uniform and a decent benefit package. I feel like such a chicken. Like I can't dip my toes in the "meaningful work" waters for too long without jonesing for corporate security. To add insult to injury, my lady's government job layoff just netted her an unemployment check that is higher than what I make working nearly full time. It's not about her, it's about the system - this I know. I am impatient to be on the other side, to find my way of getting to a place where, like some people I know, I can decide what socially responsible things I want to do with my "extra" money.

For myself, for now, I have to find ways of not villifying the "other", not hating the rich, the skinny, the gender happy, the people who always knew what they wanted to do, people who are able to sacrifice more than me, work harder, be more dedicated... halfway through writing this I realized that I'm a big baby.

Tomorrow I have an interview with FedEx... hopefully that will kick off the flood of opportunities that I'm sure are waiting to crash through my door.


Wednesday, February 09, 2005

I'm feeling like a bad parent. For the past two nights my dog has been waking me up several times in the wee hours to get me to take her because she's got the runs. She's got the runs because she has a sensitive stomach and rawhide makes her sick, and I gave her rawhide the other day because I'm a bad parent and I hate saying "No" even when I knew this would happen. Rawhide makes her so happy, and also so sick. It's not really fair to either of us, but I'm supposed to be the adult here.

I think the worst part is how it goes down. My dog can't just say "Time to go out for a quit shit" she can merely pace - from the bed to the door "tic tic tic" from the door to the bed "tic tic tic" stare stare stare get up on the bed "lick" jump off bed go to door "tic tic tic" repeat until I finally throw back the covers and, whining and complaining the whole time, open the door go in the hall to put on a coat and grab leash and take her out.

I'm hoping that when it's a child waking me up in the middle of the night because their ear hurts or they think they're gonna puke that I am more compassionate.


Tuesday, February 08, 2005

First times

This is my first entry.
I'm not exactly sure why i'm starting a blog - but i just went and checked out my friend's blog and since i have the day off... well - i guess it's also a nice change from diaryland. I've been on diaryland for 4.5 years. If you want to know anything about the past 4.5 years of me you can check it out at

I'm listening to the same 15 songs over and over again... it's a rainy overcast day and i'm stuck in my daydreams. I'm remembering spring days gone by, walks in the woods, the lightness in my chest when i was kissing that girl in that car that time to the indigo girls "devotion". I'm so stuck in my imagination right now and the harmonies of ELO "Love is like Oxygen" are keeping me stuck in a kind of limbo. Tomorrow i am going to have an all ELO day.